2 posts tagged “smiling”

I have REALLY got to stop posting such huge volumes.

Random search this morning for happy music turned up this:

Things are pretty good here, except I'm more broke than usual... my health insurance decided that I only get 20 mental health visits per year so I have to pay out of pocket for 3 or 4 visits from last year.  Basically I will have to pay a little over another $1000 before I'm caught up and my deductible for this year is met.  Anybody who reads this blog probably knows... I don't have $1000.  I have a visit with my psychologist tomorrow, we'll see what my balance is.  At least they are really nice about letting me just pay a little at a time, I get the impression that I could run a balance until next December and they won't give me any grief.  The money I'm going to need is a little overwhelming but I'm sure I'll figure something out; Steve is getting unemployment checks now so he's helping to pay bills too.  My resolve is to continue setting money aside every week to put into savings; when I lose the house at least I'll have a "living expense" buffer.

Unless I can afford the house without a roommate, I've decided I'm not going to try and keep it.  I'm too nervous about depending on another person and I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck.  My new plan is that once I get served the eviction notice, I'm putting my stuff in storage and moving in with Nelina.  Steve will go back to Merritt Island and then we'll just have to evaluate things from there.  I'm not moving without a job and without sufficient funds to carry COBRA since I can't go without insurance.  After Steve lives alone for a little bit, he can decide if he liked things better with or without me.  He and I haven't actually discussed this plan, I figure there's time enough once I get my 30-days.

I had a fantastic weekend, which feels strange to say!  On Saturday, we woke up early and went down to Merritt Island to pick up Steve's check and subsequently deposit it at his bank.  We visited with his mother for a little bit, and on our way out we ran into their friend Vicki.  Steve was a little stressed about seeing everybody (there's complicated reasons behind all that, but personally I think they're needless) so I was glad that it was very relaxed.  He raided his mom's fridge for stuffed cabbage and we were on our way out.

His computer has some kind of evil virus and can't load FFXI (tragedy in this house!) so we picked up some computer games from Circuit City (everything is 20% off since they're closing) to keep him busy.  I also got some new eyebrow rings at the mall... I hate the mall but I like new eyebrow rings!  Steve and I talked a lot on the 2.5 hour-ish drive home and got some things resolved about our relationship in general, I feel much better and much more secure.  Given past history, I'm not sure if it will last or not - reality rears its ugly head - but there's nothing wrong with being hopeful now and giving it my all. :-)

Yesterday, Steve was really stressing out about his computer... I wish there was something I could do to help.  I told him I felt bad because I wasn't smart enough to be of any assistance, and he informed me I was wrong, I'm certainly smart enough but this just happened to be an area in which I didn't have much knowledge base.  I'm a sucker for compliments so that made me feel pretty good, although I'd still rather I could do something about his computer.  Then the dinner he worked on all day burned while he was trying to fix his PC, it was pretty rough for him.  I could tell he was in a pretty bad mood (who wouldn't be?) but he wasn't taking it out on me or anything like that... however, I guess he felt differently because he kept telling me he was sorry about it.

Sometimes when he goes out on the back porch to smoke, he takes a book and sits for a little while to relax.  As such, I didn't think much of it when he went outside and was gone for a little while - I was busy playing Zoo Tycoon so hadn't even looked to see if he was still out back.  The front door opened, which startled me, and he came in bearing hot chocolate with whipped cream and an apple-filled donut.  I'm constantly dieting but hot chocolate goes straight to my emotional core, I was pretty excited about it.  It was his peace offering for being in a bad mood.  Reminds me of the days when he used to bring home random things for me on a reasonably regular basis, so I was smiling a lot.

I drank my hot chocolate, split the donut with him (I was super-nice and left him most of the filling), went to bed and got cuddled.

I smiled this morning, too. :-)