6 posts tagged “foreclosure”

I received a call from my lienholder asking if I'd like to do a "workout" (not of the gym-going kind).  I have already requested once to have a restructuring of my mortgage but was denied due to my income level.  Apparently now it's different because of Obama's policies... the representative did a pre-pre-qualifier and determined that now I *do* in fact qualify to apply for a workout.  Strange.  I filled out all the forms and faxed them in a couple days later, if I'm successful then I'll be able to restructure the mortgage to a payment of roughly $550 a month (which I can afford).

The potential issue here is that Kenny is also listed as a borrower on the account, so I'm not sure how that will affect things.  He said he might be willing to sign a quit claim, but he'd prefer if I refinance the house to get his name off the mortgage - well duh, of course I'd rather get his name off the mortgage, only because it makes things much less complicated in the long run.  I'm hoping that GMAC will let me refinance and restructure at the same time, I have enough saved that I should be able to pay closing costs and I'm willing to buy the house for more than it's worth just so I can keep it.  I know someone who has done a restructure, they are put kind of on a trial basis until they prove they can afford the payment and then they will be allowed to refinance (same situation, there was a divorce and they need to get the ex-wife's name off the mortgage).

I saw Kenny yesterday, he sold his car and needed me to come sign the paperwork since my name is listed first on the loan.  He seems like he's doing well now and I'm happy for him, I miss his company on a friendship basis.  I think the right thing happened in us splitting up, he really is better off without me.

He told me that Jean-Paul left Joy (hallelujah!) - speaking of people who are better off splitting up.  I'm torn if I should call him or not, the last time I did it wasn't such a great conversation... he just said he was mad at me and didn't want to talk.  Maybe he's still mad?  I'd like to be able to offer support but I'm not sure if he wants it from me.  I told Kenny to ask Jean-Paul to call me, I hope that I hear from him.

If you're reading this, Jean-Paul:  I love you and I miss you.  I'll always be your friend, even if you never talk to me again.  I keep your daughter's picture on top of my computer.  For some reason I just started to cry.

I got my notice yesterday.

I've been packing for the last several hours, and it feels like I've barely made a dent.  To be fair, the only thing I've significantly tackled is the living room, and I spend a Very Long Time whenever I have to pack my books.  I'm extremely picky about them, and of nearly everything I own I am just about most concerned for their safe transport.  Steve is moving back to his house soon (160 miles away, in case you wondered) and once he's gone I'll REALLY begin the work of putting things in boxes.  It's a little difficult when there's electronics and computer equipment strewn all about, but after he leaves I'll basically have a huge empty room in which to pile things.  I was hoping to be packed by the time he left but it doesn't seem feasible right now... I was going to invest in a storage unit (blah), but he's got an empty garage so once I'm packed up I'll get a U-Haul, make the trip, and store my things at his place for free.

My basic plan is to pack down to the bare essentials so I can up and go with very little notice, but it seems like my notice will be here any day.

I've got a certified letter waiting for me at the post office, and a process server tried to come yesterday to deliver documents.  I don't know who they think they are fooling, the guy left me a note saying he has important documents for me that "might help save your home!"  Now, of course we know that's not TRUE, and while I understand that people in his line of work have to resort to deception... still that's pretty damn scummy.  I mean, some people really ARE trying to keep their homes, and the foreclosure court notice would be crushing.  I hope he's happy with himself.

Separating things to keep and also to take to Goodwill is a really weird process... it's like trying to save things from a fire, except that the fire moves slowly and will take several months to consume your home.  What memories will you keep, what will you surrender, what will you pull out of the Goodwill box and repeatedly reconsider?

I've never been good at letting go, and this seems harder because I actually have TIME to speculate.

Do I keep the Christmas wrap?  Will I ever have somebody to wrap gifts for again?

Do I keep items that I don't particularly care for, but strongly care for the memories of receiving them?  The memory is the important part, but what about the holes left in the past as you start to forget?  Do I need reminders?

Do I keep items that I love, but I want to forget how I received them?

Posters?  Paintings?  I don't know when I'll have a place to display them.

How big can you make a box marked "Fragile"?  What if they get crushed after months of storage?

How much newspaper does it take to wrap breakable things?

Some things I have set aside for donation simply because I cannot bear to throw them away, and I'll pretend that Goodwill won't throw them away either.

I already have 4 huge boxes of Goodwill items.  I need to put them in the car and take them while I still know that I can.

I wonder what's going to happen in my life.  I spend a lot of time thinking about it, especially lately.  I'm anticipating getting my eviction notice any day now.  I need to pack.  I need to know where I'm going to live.

Oddly, things are looking up.

Okay, I held out until Thursday morning (because he actually was nice to me again on Tuesday, but went back to "normal" on Wednesday).  I told him that he's an adult and if he wants to spend all of his time playing FFXI and not doing anything else, that he can't do it here.  We haven't spoken since then, really.  When I got home from work yesterday he was asleep upstairs.  I talked to Nelina for a long time on the phone (more trouble for her that I wish I could fix), when Steve finally came downstairs I was still talking to Nelina.  He just asked if I bought more dish soap and I nodded yes.  When I went to bed I said good night but with no response, he's sitting there playing FFXI even now and before I head to work I need to ask him what he plans on doing.  I don't really have the gas money but if I have to I'll pack his shit and drive him back south myself.

The bank filed the foreclosure lawsuit on December 30.  I'm not sure exactly what that means for me, but I plan on continuing to save up as much as I can like the mortgage counselor told me.  Worst thing that happens, I suppose, is that I lose the house anyway and have enough money in the bank to pay off my credit card.  Speaking of which... I got a notification from Discover that they were halting further activity on my account.  Sort of.  They cut my credit line back $4000, which conveniently placed me at pretty much the exact balance I owe now.  I'm going to call them and see if they can raise it back up even a little bit since I haven't missed a payment.  I wasn't planning on using the card anyways but it's the only buffer money I have in case something goes wrong.

Once Steve is gone, Nelina is going to help me clean up the house and get rid of all the junk that needs to go to Goodwill or be thrown away.  At that point it will be "roommate ready" and I can get someone in here to help pay the bills... right now I'm putting $125 a week into savings in lieu of making a rent payment, if I can have someone pay me $450 a month and then take $250 of that and place it in savings, I'd be doing reasonably okay.  I know that odds aren't good for me to keep the house but I'm still trying... this is my home.  I don't want to leave it.

I'm still planning for the event that I do have to leave the house... my biggest concern at all are my cats.  I've accepted the fact that if I do lose the house, I will have a very difficult time finding a place to live with 4 cats.  Maybel and Xiao Wen *have* to stay with me, they are rather "special needs" and I don't want them to go anywhere else.  Paxil and Wendy are friendly, loveable cats that wouldn't be too difficult to find a good home for, although I'd still cry myself to sleep every night if they were gone.  My solution was to ask Nelina to foster them until I can find a place that will let me take all four.  She said that she would happily take them, no problem at all, but that she wouldn't be able to give them back because her kids would be devastated (they've already lost one pet that had to be given away).  I figure that is probably the best I can possibly get, a home where they are loved (because I know they will be) and well taken care of, plus I'll have access to them whenever I want so I could visit them at will.

I need to leave for work in 45 minutes and still need to ask Steve "so have you given thought to what I said yesterday?"

Should be fun.

Dammit he just went upstairs!  Okay first thing when he comes down I'll ask.  I swear.

Putting the house up for sale is progressing... I've got a very nice realtor named Jennifer, she came over and checked out the house and gave me a TON of papers for Kenny and me to sign.  I faxed them to her already and her next step is to come and take pictures of the house so she can put it online... although honestly I think it's got a better chance of selling if it's NOT photographed!  Kind of a mess right now, I had gotten to the point where I was cleaning regularly (still am) but stuff has been getting pulled out left and right, I'm starting to put stuff in boxes and Kenny has been systematically getting his things out too.  I was having a hard time sorting through my stuff vs. Kenny's stuff, so I started keeping one box just to put his things in (as I pack my own stuff), probably easier for both him and me.  In a way I want the house to sell quickly so that I can figure out what I'm doing next, but at the same time I really love it here... I'm sad to leave it... and I'm broke.

It's becoming apparent that it is NOT safe for me to live on my own right now.  I've started to to spend just 24 hour periods in states of depression, normalcy, hypomania.  The depression is leading to mild self-injury, but the hypomania is bad bad bad... day before yesterday I was pacing and crying and couldn't get myself calmed down, the result of which being I cut myself at least 40 times.  I didn't realize it was so much until the next day when I saw all the marks and tried to count them... at 40 I gave up.  It's pretty painful.  Even when I'm level-headed, it's very difficult to remain calm and not get stressed out.  When I checked my mail on Monday morning there was $1400 in medical bills calmly waiting for me to find them.  $1400.  That is a lot of fucking money.  Some of it was probably billed incorrectly to my insurance, so I made a stack of the 7 bills in order of most to least expensive.  I tried to call on the first one, after 15 minutes on hold I gave up and moved on to the second.  That one said I needed to talk to my insurance company, so I called BCBS, who said they want my other insurance to pay instead.  I explained to them (again) that I don't have any other insurance... so the representative transferred me to another department to fix it... and of course that department was closed for a meeting.  "Thanks, try us tomorrow!"  I'm always worried that when tomorrow comes, I won't have the presence of mind to call and argue over billing; I'll just get overwhelmed and throw them all in the trash.

The realization that it's very possible I'll default on all these bills hits me... and then I realize that if I don't come up with some way to pay, I'll lose access to medical care... which means I can't get any more prescriptions... which means I'll end up dead.  I don't mean to be melodramatic but it's a very real possibility, when I cut myself this last time I was trying to go deep and find veins that would bleed more, was even holding them under running water.  Fortunately I suck at targeting when I am that agitated, and anyway I only cut my legs and there's not much damage I can do there.

So, as for where I'm going to live.  A random roommate is not a realistic possibility, it's too likely that I'll have more and more episodes over the next few months and I can't see that leading to a functional cohabitative relationship with some person I don't know.  I have one option of a place to stay but I really don't think it's a good idea, yet I can't come up with another solution to my problem.  I think I'll be able to live on my own eventually, it's just that NOW is not going to work.  I can't get my condition under control because of all the stress I'm under, I can't cope with the stress because of my condition, and if one or the other doesn't improve I'm going to end up living in my car.  Steve promised me that if anything happens to me (hospitalization, suicide, whatever) then he will contact my vet and ask them to find homes for my cats.  At least that is some relief because I genuinely worry about their welfare.  Steve is coming to visit this Friday, I think he wants to check on me after I called him in the middle of the night and spent a good 2 hours sobbing on the phone.  He knows all my fears of abandonment (which are constantly validated by the fact that everyone leaves me eventually) and my general terror over life in general but does his best to be a comforting friend.  He always assures me that he will be reliable for me, that he's my friend today and he'll still be my friend tomorrow and every other day.  It's such a nice idea and I want to believe it, but I still don't.  Even so, I believe that he means it when he says it, and that's some reassurance in itself.

When I explain that to my psychologist he says "oh really?" and then starts making lots of notes on his legal pad.  I wonder what he writes down about me.  Dr.Moreland (the psychologist) thinks that I don't need therapy every week, preferably every other but I had to go to once every 3 weeks since I can't afford the $35 copay.  He told me that what I need is a "third party monitor" in my life, that if I have to report to someone who can remain objective it will help me think my actions through more (even after the fact) and hopefully keep me on the right track, or help me avoid destroying things around me.  I feel better after the therapy, I wish I could go more often but such is life.

Speaking of affording my copays, I'm going to try really hard to be on time to work today.  I have 14 minutes to make it out of the house.