my dearest friend

Sometimes it strikes me... what a world of falsehoods we live in.  Some big, some small.  All of us put forth a front for our audience, there's things we only discuss in certain places and with certain people.  We're all cowards in our own way; and I am no exception.  There's things in my life I've had to face on my own without ever confronting the people who caused them.  I'm not special, this is a universal disease.
I couldn't sleep tonight because I'm worried about you.  I'm so guilty of being a person that tears you down, and I never wanted to be that person.  I love you, I only want to build you up.  I find myself struggling to empathize but I know I can't; I have been where you are and also I have not.  I don't want for there to be secrets or half-truths between us, but I know I have to learn a better way of saying what I think.  And a better way of not saying what I think, especially when you already know it.  I'm scared that life will take me away from you, the way that I let it take you away from me before.  I'm so vehement and opinionated because I am fighting against that, I want you to find yourself a place in life that includes me and the meager friendship that I offer.  I fight you because I am fighting for you, but I know that sometimes I lose sight of where my real battle lies.
I don't understand what happened to each of us.  We grew up in adversity; we've both been mistreated and neglected.  We've both cried ourselves to sleep more than our fair share, and yet when we got out in the world, both of us fell into lives that could never make us happy.  I hope you know that without you, I'd still be in the same place.  I was so terrified to leave, so afraid that I didn't deserve anything better.  You took my hand and told me that I was wrong, you told me that life didn't have to be that way.  Even when I started to go back to the life you helped me leave, you were there for me.  It was so hard to break free and you walked with me the whole way, and you were the only person.
You got me out of the trap I put myself in, but at some point another trap closed on you too.  Don't think that you deserve it.  Don't think that there isn't a better world in your future, it's so close and if you just tell me where you want to go I'll hold your hand like you held mine.
It's so easy to feel that we are alone in life, so easy to feel crushed by our burdens.  You don't have to carry them alone... other people love you as well but I don't trust them the way I trust me.  I want you to trust me too.  I know that your world is full of people who say they will help you, and maybe it's hard to believe it, but at the very least, believe me.  Even if every other person falls short of what you need them to be, I promise I will not do that.  You helped me find a place where I could stand up, and I'm ready to stand for you too.  All you have to do is let me.

I'm here.  I'm holding out my hand.  I love you.